L is for the way you leave six feet

I’m a closeted hopeless romantic. Not in the traditional, corny way where I plan my dream wedding or constantly think about bumping into my future spouse in a quirky setting. Rather, I LOVE love. I have crushes like it’s nobody’s business. I love relationship gossip. I like to think about myself falling in love, my friends falling in love, really anyone. There really are few things I appreciate more than seeing genuine, non-performative, caring, romantic love.

This semester has been particularly unique to be an observer and partaker in the world of romance. My three closest friends (Lee, Thomas, and Ben) and I were all simultaneously experiencing an incredibly tumultuous romantic semester. All sorts of trials and tribulations occurred, from unrequited crushes, to the case of a man who wanted his home wrecked, to a 4-hour breakup. Night after night the latest updates would come in; we were absolutely incapable of shutting up about anything regarding romance. In mid-March, all this drama and fanfare hit a major twist in the road: the coronavirus. As “stay-at-home” orders shut down the country, our romantic lives were sent into a spiral. We were all swimming in uncharted waters and it was completely unclear how the pandemic would affect these romantic relationships (or lack thereof).

I myself am single. I had been dating around pre-shutdown, but not really settling down with any one person. At the beginning of quarantine, I felt lonely and found myself longing for some sort of relationship, just to have someone to be with and care for. The forced solitude exacerbated this. I found myself scrolling and swiping through dating apps to no real avail. I tried messaging and talking to a few people, but found it tough to keep up. In the early stages of dating, when you’ve first met someone, there’s really nothing that can replace that in-person interaction. Sure, you might be able to talk with someone and have some good banter via text or call, but the physical dynamics of in-person interaction have been totally lost. This made it near impossible for me to desire actively pursuing any sort of new connection online – especially considering the uncertainty regarding the end of quarantine. Nevertheless, I continued on this fruitless venture, swiping right and left for hours for no real reason other than seeking some sort of romantic validation.

Suddenly, as if it had a mind of its own, the quarantine worked its magic and brought forward some unforeseen romantic validation (though not exactly how I wanted). Out of the blue, another good friend of mine, who, for the sake of his own privacy I’ll call John Doe, called me up one night. I was taken off guard, we spent a lot of time together in person, but never were the type to call each other or talk on the phone. I picked up, a little confused, and I could sense some nervousness. Before I could even ask what this was all about he quickly and curtly told me he had romantic feelings for me, and had had them for quite a while. I had a sneaking suspicion he had these feelings pre-quarantine, but I was still taken aback. To call someone up and just point blank tell them you’re romantically interested in them is quite bold. The feelings, unfortunately, were unreciprocated on my part, but I appreciated the honesty and was flattered. I wondered if he would’ve said anything had there been no quarantine and the semester progressed normally. Was it the quarantine, and the realization that life is short, so, “why not say something?” or was this inevitable?

It made me start thinking about all the romantic interests I’ve had, how I’ve often been too scared to say anything to them out of fear of rejection or humiliation. You never know when you’ll be put into a state-mandated lockdown, so you should make your feelings known. Besides that, no one is not flattered when they find out someone has a crush on them. It’s a nice feeling! Even if it isn’t reciprocated. The fact that someone likes you enough to walk out on a tightrope and say something shows a certain emotional honesty and courage.

I’ve also seen a greater degree of honesty and openness extend to couples already in a relationship. Lee (one of the four aforementioned gossipmongers), had just recently started exclusively dating a boy she had met last semester, Kevin. At the point of the shutdown, they had only really been dating for about two months. They decided that they weren’t at the point in the relationship where they should co-quarantine, and with Kevin moving back to Long Beach and Lee to the Bay Area, dating in social distancing began. In the first few weeks, Lee, who has often described herself as someone “not cut out for a long distance relationship”, didn’t seem to be taking it particularly well. Our group was barraged with texts and FaceTime calls complaining about how difficult it was or overthinking every online interaction her and Kevin had. This rapidly imposed distance was a major roadblock in progressing the relationship in a “normal” way. When I initially spoke to Lee, she described it as feeling “stagnant” with an inability to “hit relationship milestones”. As the weeks progressed, though, the normalcy of quarantine and the relationship began to settle in. She explained how she has been growing more appreciative of the closeness her and Kevin have been able to achieve. They’ve been able to become more open with each other and actually get to know each other on a deeper level, albeit virtually. There are still points where they hit speed bumps. Lee has talked a lot about the inability to physically connect with Kevin during this time, that the interactions and conversations “can’t be replicated online”. She has expressed this vulnerability and honesty that wasn’t there before.

Since all they can do is talk, conversations have become more personal faster. Though there’s been a fair amount of ups and downs, Lee has again and again expressed her confidence that the quarantine will make them more honest and open in their relationship once they can see each other in person again.

Quarantine has forced me to slow down and re-evaluate different parts of my life, including everything romantic. Coming out the other side, I know I’ll be much more appreciative of the time I can physically be with another person. I never knew how much I valued presence in the moment until now. I do hope more people, including myself, can carry forth this honesty and vulnerability that many have displayed during quarantine. Just because we aren’t facing a collective biological threat does not mean we can’t be free to express (often scary) romantic feelings. My hopeless romantic self needs to become a brave romantic self, because really, why not spread more love?

Sofia James